Sunday, 14 May 2017

Kindness Challenge Reflection Post Week 1


I''m joining in with Niki at for her second annual Kindness Challenge  where she has invited us to focus on Kindness for the next 7 weeks following a different prompt each week.   You can follow that link to see what others are reflecting on and maybe join in yourself if you aren't already taking the journey along with us.

It's been very interesting keeping this challenge in mind throughout the week.

Self Love is something I have tried to practice and am getting (slowly) better at, but, like self protection, I find it very easy to forget when the are others demanding attention or in difficult situations.

But I"ve had several opportunities this week to be mindful of it and it has been very useful taking part in this challenge right now.

We took the decision to cancel another tour due to both our healths not being up to par and the added stress of elderly relatives needing us. I could have pushed through - but it would have been a disaster.   We'd have come back in a heap and then have to push through finishing the album and by July things would be even worse.

So I chose kindness.   Being kind to myself.

Added to that I had a curious incident with a company that asked me to write a blog about a promotion they're doing.   5, 6 weeks ago I said ok, but then things started to get in the way and after a week or two I wrote back politely and told them I couldn't participate.   But the girl would not accept no for an answer.   I started to feel guilty that I was letting her down.   This stranger.  Who was invading my space.   Eventually after 3 weeks of trying to ignore her pushy emails I sat down the other night and put her in the picture properly without mincing my words.  Go away or else .... and there's been silence for a couple of days.   Hopefully that's got rid of her.   I'll think more carefully before saying yes next time....

Reflecting on it afterwards - whether it's my nature, or the society I've been brought up in,  I don't like to offend.  Even at a cost to myself.   You know the saying - somebody's ** to a fault?   Well that'd be me... To a fault ... So again, another opportunity to choose kindness ...to myself.  And I slept a lot better as a result of finally writing the email that I"d been going over for weeks in my head.

Then to end the week a friend died whom we hadn't even known was ill.  We are all so shocked.   But it was an eye opener.   Last time I saw her, I was feeling really poorly and just called out 'hello' and moved on.   I wish I had stopped just a moment longer.  But we need these events to pull us up ... to say 'take care, take time and be kind' ... and by taking the time to be with others is being kind to ourselves too.

I didn't write a mantra - things were a bit out of focus, but I felt it was enough to have something to pay attention to in the background.   Thank you Niki.

How was your week?


20 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear about your illnesses and those of elderly relatives. It's a shame when people are pushy over something when you say AND mean no! I am glad you were being kind to yourself!x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kezzie - got a boost of energy over the weekend - hopefully getting back on track.

      Delete
  2. I feel for you over that email. I'd been one who'd say 'yes' rather than the 'no' I wanted to really say. A stressful situation with a couple of work colleagues in a job that relied on staff saying 'yes' every time finally got to me and I was signed off with stress. That was my wakeup call. I still say 'yes', but not as often and I will sometimes cancel the 'yes' and without an apology say 'no'. It is hard to change a habit, but I am learning. Hope things feel easier soon, keep on with the kindness - to you x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think if we knew in advance how our lives would be affected it'd make saying No a whole lot easier. look at all the positive stuff that came out of that change for you with your art

      Delete
  3. Yes I too said No a coupe of times this week and boy did it feel strange but slightly liberating too and I think it did me the world of good. It also showed me the world doesn't stop without me being there and to be honest the people I said No to accepted it without any protest so I didn't experience any guilt either :) I'm sorry you've had to postpone things until you feel better but as you say this will all work out much better in the long run. Sending health and happiness your way to you and Tom :)
    http://pempispalace.blogspot.co.uk/2017/05/week-1-self-love-reflection.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you my friend. Yes, saying No is very liberating.

      Delete
  4. That is indeed a fantastic way to be kind to yourself; recognizing you always have a choice and accepting your limitations..like your choice to cancel your tour.
    I am too sorry for your unexpected loss. Don't forget to take time to grieve.
    XxX

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Going to the 'wake' yesterday was a huge help. I'm finally starting to see the benefits of that practice - so happy it still exists here.

      Delete
    2. I know, right? I never noticed benefits of that tradition either...maybe it's because aging ourselves, we think in different way about death, infinity and 'saying goodbye'?

      Delete
    3. Yes, without a doubt, but it makes more sense with age but it's a lovely tradition.

      Delete
  5. I'm so sorry for your loss <3 Even in her passing, she was able to show you something.

    I LOVE that you found your voice in that area of your life and used it to write that email. You tapped into some inner strength, courage, and power and can see that it made you feel great! May you remember that experience for the next time. The hardest is always the first time, after that it gets a little easier each time. I love that being mindful of yourself was such a big part of your self-love week. Just because the prompt has ended, doesn't mean this part of the journey is over. I encourage you to continue down this beautiful path you're on. Sending you lots of love and wishing you all you need to support you on your journey! <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Niki - and thanks for this great challenge :) xx

      Delete
  6. Hi Fil - I've been saying no in recent years ... after the 10 years of my mother and uncle ... I needed my space. It's not easy - in fact because I've written about Mesotheleoma (asbestos disease) I occasionally get asked to write again ... but the blog is mine ... and I did it for Heather - but enough is enough ... even though I explained I still got a plea back - I was slightly less polite the next time.

    I think you've made the sensible decision to stay put - put the time to good use ... visiting family, relaxing, seeing friends and generally enjoying your music and space to add things in ... I hope without other sudden deaths - they are never easy to deal with ... with thoughts - Hilary

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Saying no seems to be a problem for so many of us - and that thing about using your blog for someone else's thing is definitely one I'll be wary of in future.

      Delete
  7. Sending love and good energy Fil. What wonderful ways you’ve chosen to practice self-kindness. The saying no one is huge, and I suspect as you practice it more you’ll not only find it’s easier, but the honoring of your own boundaries feels exponentially good and truly sovereign as well. Wishing you a time of gentleness and peace as you continue to take care of yourself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the encouragement Deborah ..

      Delete
  8. This is a powerful reflection, Fil. I'm like you. I don't like taking a stand and possibly offending people. I'm trying to learn to speak up in the moment instead of ruminating over it. Thanks for sharing!
    https://meinthemiddlewrites.com/2017/05/12/me-in-the-middle-of-week-1-kindness-challenge/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Mary Lou - it's good having company on this journey - lovely to meet you here.

      Delete
  9. To be kind to oneself is so important! Many times our inner talk is so criticising - we would never talk to a dear friend that way!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's very true - I'm enjoying thinking more about it this week and not feeling guilty.

      Delete

Do drop me a line ... I love to read your comments :)